


Misty Water-Colored Memories

by ireallydidthistomyself



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Episode: s15e17 Unity, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Jack Kline and Claire Novak are Siblings, M/M, Post-Canon, i like PROMISE this ends very happily, just written bc i hated unity, like SORT OF a unity coda, like people learning and growing and rediscovering one another, like people trying their best, other characters are there but those are the ones most like principal to it, very focused on like the jack and cas relationship but also this IS a destiel fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27295846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ireallydidthistomyself/pseuds/ireallydidthistomyself
Summary: They beat Chuck, beat Billie, beat the Empty, and Cas and Dean finally admit their feelings to one another. They should be able to finally live out their lives in peace. But Cas and Dean are unable to find peace and forgiveness together. Eventually, Cas packs Jack up and moves them both out.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 292





	Misty Water-Colored Memories

**Author's Note:**

> just imagine like. everything is resolved. absolutely everything. AND destiel has become canon. don't think about how i don't care im sure the show is gonna do things via the power of love as always and yes i know what's probably gonna happen to cas. but i just think: even if everything was resolved what dean said to jack last episode was SO awful that cas would like. probably leave him anyway if he didn't apologize. that's sort of what this runs with.
> 
> title from the barbra streisand classic: "the way we were"
> 
> UPDATE: here's a playlist. mix of like songs and artists referenced directly in here as people listening to them and just some general thematic stuff. moves through the narrative chronologically.
> 
> <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3Kjq3fpl6bk5TZbjrmPfTH?si=qWR6isAcTN6VOwjXgJs7tw>

It was never the same after that. After everything with the bomb and Chuck and Dean telling Jack he wasn’t family and Dean _lying_ to him (that one had stung more than he cared to admit because he had trusted him with Billie’s plan and Dean had turned around and crushed that trust to bits, that trust that he had thought was instinctive between them after everything), Cas couldn’t look at him anymore. There had been days and nights of awful screaming fights that had always seemed to end with either Jack crying and both of them feeling terribly ashamed or Dean simply storming out in a fit of defensiveness. Cas wanted to say: _just apologize, tell him you love him, that he’s your son, see how_ like _you he is_ _and this will all go away_. But he knew that somehow Dean couldn’t say it and he couldn’t ask him to outright.

It only made it worse that things were still bad after _everything._ After winning, beating Chuck, beating Billie, beating the Empty, and finally getting their lives back, they weren’t able to savor it for even a moment. It was after Cas had become human to escape a fate worse than death; after Dean had finally found the courage to put all his love for him into words and he had responded in kind, releasing years of longing and repression and a desire strong enough to defy God himself, and somehow that still wasn’t enough. The brothers had made things right between them, Sam had gone off to move in with Eileen, and Cas had thought if the three of them stayed behind at the bunker and just _tried_ it could be better, that maybe they could be the family they had been before. But something was broken and none of them knew how to fix it.

“What’s wrong with you? What’s _wrong_ with you?!” Cas had found himself screaming at Dean endlessly and was faced with nothing but a passive aggressive grunt and a shrug of the shoulders. That had only made him angrier. “Look at me! Look at me! I’m crying! I’m crying and your son is crying and I know you love us so fucking say something! Do something to fix this!” 

Dean had left the room after that and Cas couldn’t remember a moment of feeling more devastatingly helpless besides when he had watched Chuck murder their son. All he could do was wrap Jack up in his arms and try to calm him down. Jack who, of course, blamed himself. Said he was the reason they had lost their happy ending yet again, and if he had just died like he was supposed to everything would be okay. _I ruined it for you, I’m a mistake, I’m the reason you two can’t be happy together._ The words had buzzed in Cas’s ears with a strange familiarity from when he had pieced through Dean’s soul by hands so many years ago. He wouldn’t let this happen, he swore, not to his son.

So he had left. Packed them up and gone. Dean had actually asked him to stay that time. Quietly and earnestly and he had felt his heart shatter in his chest because even with that, even with that Herculean feat, he still left. Jack hadn’t understood why, even as Cas was buttoning up his jacket and packing his backpack for him. He had hugged Dean goodbye so tightly that Cas had thought he would have to pry them apart. Cas said he would text Dean their mailing address once they found a place but he probably shouldn’t visit for a while and Dean had nodded stiffly and then Cas had placed a firm hand on Jack’s shoulder and gently guided him up the bunker stairs, ignoring his son’s quiet crying. _This is for the best_ , he told himself as he started his truck and they drove off in silence.

He thought he was a little too harsh on Jack on the car ride there. When Jack had asked a few miles out if _maybe we should go back because we don’t really want to leave do we?_ , he had snapped at him to not talk like that. When they stopped at a diner and Jack had ordered a burger with a slice of pie he had said, with a new harsh tone he was just discovering in himself, _Jack, are you sure that’s what you want or is it just what Dean would order?_ And Jack had switched his order, sheepishly, to a grilled cheese with ice cream for dessert. On the car ride he had banned any rock, folk, classic or otherwise, when Jack had quietly switched on Crosby, Stills & Nash. _You love pop music, right? Let’s put on some of that,_ he had told him and Jack had smiled and switched on the new Taylor Swift album and Cas was glad Jack hadn’t noticed that tears had nearly sprung to his eyes when he heard the opening guitar strums to “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.” Dean used to play that song for him nearly anytime they drove somewhere together.

They went to Jody’s first. He needed to get his bearings and it was high time Jack met his older sister. Of course they had hit it off famously and Kaia had been thrilled to see him yet again. They showed him around the neighborhood as Jody and Cas spent hours at her kitchen table, drinking tea and talking through everything. She had said right off that they could stay as long as they wanted, even permanently, but the house was packed already and Cas hadn’t wanted to make it hard for Dean to visit the girls. Also he knew he couldn’t stay in Sioux Falls, not a place inextricably linked to Bobby, someone who Cas would never get the forgiveness of and he knew he probably didn’t even deserve it. He wouldn’t soil a place like that with his presence. 

He instead asked Jody for advice: how to cook, how to clean, how to enroll Jack in school, all logistics she would know as the best mother he had ever met. She explained it to him patiently and painstakingly, laughing gently when he proved himself nearly incapable of boiling rice or cutting vegetables without nearly taking his thumb off. He had sheepishly admitted to her that Dean had always been the one to do all the cooking and she had said he would get the hang of it in time, she promised. Gardening and housework he seemed to adapt to better, and he found he loved the simple routine of things like laundry. Busy work for idle hands, she had advised him.

In terms of school, she had been pretty frank. 

“Jack is a good kid, wise beyond his years I’d say, and very emotionally intelligent. But in terms of where he is you know, intellectually and all, I mean Cas, you’re looking at a very slow 5th grader and that’s being generous. But if you send him to school, I mean the youngest he could look is about sixteen, there’s no way they would put him anywhere below there. And he won’t fit in with kids that age, to be honest, they’d probably make fun of him,” she said.

“Well what do I do? I want him to have as close to a normal life as possible,” Cas had asked her.

“I think homeschool him, that’s your best bet. I’d homeschool him, figure out how to socialize him with local kids as best you can, then when you think he’s ready, enroll him in a high school. Now I know the kid’s sort of magic, so that could be in months or it could be in years. I don’t know what rate he matures at; but I would wait that all out, long as it takes.”

Cas had smiled at her across the table because here was finally something that made any sense to him. It was scary he thought, terrifying, but he could do it. He knew he could. He had so much to teach Jack and he couldn’t wait to begin. 

They left not long after that, Jack waving happily at the girls from the window of the truck as they drove down the long suburban road. Privately, Cas wanted to laugh at how effectively he bounced back from things. They listened to pop music the whole way over that time and he looked at his son in the passenger seat, bouncing along to Carly Rae Jepsen and Ariana Grande and shook his head with a smile. They were going to be okay.

They made it to Washington, in a town right near where the cabin had been and it felt like deja vu, pulling in there with Kelly those years ago. They were renting a small place, even more run down than that one had been, but with a huge yard that Jack had immediately started running around in circles in as soon as they had pulled into the driveway. The house was just one story but Jack had taken to it right away.

“My room has a window Cas! I’ve never had a window!” He had told him, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet and Cas had smiled at him as he cleaned the fridge (left covered in a weird grey film from the previous inhabitants). They had put on Crosby, Stills & Nash as they moved in all their stuff, the rock music ban lifted when he had seen Jack’s puppy dog eyes (though “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” was still skipped). And Cas wondered if they both thought that it would fill the void of the missing man who would’ve most demanded it to be played. Cas painted Jack’s room yellow because he knew it was his favorite color and stocked up the cupboards with sugary cereal. After all he had been through, he thought, a cavity was the least of their worries.

Cas had been fortunate to find himself a job at the local library (Garth of all people had called in a favor to get him a placing) and Jack, irony of ironies, was working part time at Gas n Sip (Jody had thought a job like that would be a good way for him to socialize with others in a safe enough fashion, plus they needed the money). Most of the day, Jack would sit with Cas at work (he had given his kind coworkers some flimsy explanation for why) and he had him do workbooks and online classes that Cas would assist him with whenever he got the chance. On weekends and in the evenings he would lecture him on all he knew about the universe, history, and science and Jack would listen with bright eyed, rapt attention. Cas discovered he was a good teacher, patient and kind, and Jack an even better pupil, who never seemed to lose his enthusiasm for any subject. 

Funds were running low, worryingly so, and he didn’t know who to ask for help. They were having trouble making rent, affording groceries, and Cas didn’t think credit card fraud was the most sustainable income if you were living on the grid to any degree. Plus, there were warrants out for Jack and him in multiple states, so he wasn’t going to attract any type of attention. He didn’t know who to ask for help, and he certainly didn’t want to trouble Sam, who was settling into his life in Chicago (working a monster law practice with Eileen it seemed, which sounded more and more bizarre each time he explained it). The situation felt dire, and he knew he didn’t have the training or credentials to work a job that could pay much better than minimum wage, and if he took on more hours he wouldn’t have time to teach Jack. 

The money was wired to him quietly from a “Leia Tolkein,” who he soon realized was Charlie. It was a lot and certainly not from any legal means. The memo with it was “expect this every few months, don’t worry about things.” He had wondered for a while how she could have possibly known then he remembered that on a recent phone call with Jody, she had intuited his dilemma and suddenly everything clicked into place. He knew exactly who Jody would’ve called if she thought he needed money. And that person would’ve known he was too proud to take any money from him of all people. Despite himself, Cas smiled at the money. It was a step he thought, a weird step after everything, but a step.

After the incident with Mrs. Butters, which Cas still never fully figured out, Jack was filled with excitement at the prospect of the holidays. Cas had decided Jody would probably be able to do a better job than he could, so most (Thanksgiving, Christmas Day, New Years, and the Fourth of July) were spent at Sioux Falls. The exceptions were Christmas Eve, which they spent amongst the two of them and then Jack would fly them out to Sioux Falls for the next day, and Easter, which they spent exclusively alone. Old habits die hard and Cas, as someone who had been present at the actual crucifixion and resurrection, couldn’t shake the solemnity he’d infused the day with. They were the only days during the year they went to church, a painfully weird experience for them both, especially Jack who had none of the patience for even an hour long sermon, and Cas would participate in friendly gossip with the mothers as he watched Jack do the Easter egg hunt after the service on Easter Sunday. It was a good day, he told Jack, to think about what they were sorry about and thankful for. They would spend the earlier days of the week in Chicago with Sam and Eileen, for the Passover Seder that she would hold. It was a good week, he’d always think, all things considered.

They were making friends and settling in, it didn’t surprise Cas that Jack did, he was impossible not to love, but he was surprised at his own ability to do it. Making friends around town, regulars at the library, Jack’s boss at Gas n Sip, local waitresses, the guy at the bait and tackle shop, they even found themselves invited over for dinner sometimes. Cas was nervous at first, he didn’t do well with social interactions he knew, and he was always afraid anyone overly friendly was some threat to Jack, but he knew they couldn’t hide forever, and reluctantly began to accept. It always seemed to go well, the only awkwardness arising when he was asked about Jack’s mother. They would exchange a look and Cas would calmly explain that she had passed away but, no, they had not been together.

“So were you ever married, Mr. Singer?” His fellow librarian’s wife asked and he smiled awkwardly.

“Well, I was in a relationship with um, well with Jack’s other father, but we aren’t together right now. He lives in Kansas.” He had put it bluntly enough that anyone who knew him knew the conversation was over with that. 

He had thought for a long while what name they should go by. They couldn’t use Kline or Novak, people would be looking for them under those names. And they certainly couldn’t use Winchester, and he didn’t even know if they would want to. He had thought about using Moscone, he still had the badge after everything, but if they were starting fresh he couldn’t use a name Dean had given him. Eventually, he had decided on Singer. While he didn’t think he deserved to take Bobby’s name, he thought it was a way to honor and remember him at least. And he couldn’t think of a better tribute than to give his own boy a name for a man who, if the universe was kind, should have been a grandfather to him. Patience, at Claire’s request, had made them IDs and documents on her computer with Jack and Castiel Singer on them.

Claire, they saw more than just holidays. She often passed through on a case, sometimes with Kaia, sometimes without. Cas was never sure exactly when they were on or off and he didn’t know how to ask. He had brought it up to her awkwardly once while doing dishes and she had basically shut it down in a way that was so comically like Dean he had to stifle a laugh. He liked Kaia a lot and thought she was good for her, calmed her down, but of course, he was the first to know how hard those things could be. Things, in general, seemed to have smoothed between him and Claire and he loved having her around. She was, of course, so obviously all Dean, in the same way that Jack was all Cas, but that pain wasn’t entirely new. He saw Dean in Jack every day in ways he was still learning to bear, from the way he drank beer to the way he laughed, to the radio station he’d turn to or how he rested his arm out the car window. It was in bigger moments too, like in their rare fights. Claire was just that writ large.

She spent her summers based out of Washington with them, working at the repair shop in town while Jack did lifeguard shifts at the town pool, and on weekends they would drive out to the coast and swim together. He remembered taking Jack there the first time, his eyes turning into saucers at just the immensity of the ocean, before Claire had dunked him underwater and held him there as he squirmed and fought and laughed. 

They still saw Dean, more than he had thought they would. They would awkwardly be at holidays together, sitting across tables and not knowing how to talk to each other. Jack was always very excited, while Cas still held him at a careful arm’s length. He wasn’t ready to trust him, didn’t know if he ever would be again. But time was going by and old wounds were healing and soon it became pretty commonplace to see him on holidays and such. Dean would always call Jack on any holiday he might miss, check in with him, and on his birthday too. Would send a card and a present, something extravagant and boyish that Cas would never think to get him and then there would be some long phone call with Jody on whether Jack was old enough for violent video games and nerf guns or not. Jack would roll his eyes and say “come on _Daaaad_ , I learned to fire a gun before I learned to write!” and Cas didn’t know how to tell him that hearing that broke his heart in two. It had been not long since moving to Washington, though, that Jack began to call him dad, as everyone sort of expected him to do so, and it never stopped filling Cas up each time he heard it.

When Jack started to lose his sunny disposition and fight Cas on things for the first time in his life, he realized it was finally time to send him to high school. It wasn’t a particularly hard decision, what was hard was that it made him realize he had to call Dean. He had never been the one to initiate a phone call but it felt weird to not even notify him on something like this. He had called while Jack was at work and when Dean had answered, Cas could immediately sense the tension in his voice.

“Are you safe?” He asked straight away.

“I’m fine. We’re all good.”

“Then why are you calling, Cas you never-” Dean trailed off and every bone in Cas’s body ached.

“I think I’m gonna enroll Jack in high school. As a junior, probably. I thought you should know. Or you’d want to. I guess.” Cas suddenly worried if this was all a big mistake.

“That’s really great, that’s um, I bet he’s psyched.”

“I haven’t spoken to him about it yet. Just Jody and you.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“He will be though. Psyched. He’s so lonely lately, it’ll be good for him.”

“I bet, you probably mother hen that kid so much he doesn’t get a moment to breathe. Time to cut the cord.”

“Well, his life hasn't been exactly free of danger. I need to do everything I can to keep Jack safe,” Cas knew Dean could hear the accusation in his voice and the line was quiet for a moment.

“So...you enrolling him in that uh that uh Quaker place you were talking about at Christmas?”  
  


“The Friends School? Oh...I don’t know.”

“Why not? You said it would be a good place for him, sorta, you know, more hippie dippie and all that right?”

“Well. Yes, but, you know there’s all these logistical issues. It’s a few towns over and moving there; it would be more expensive. Not to mention the tuition, it may be easier to put him in public school.”

“Public school is garbage, it’ll mess him up for life. Trust me, I walk in there, I still break out in hives and I was a cool kid.”

“And Jack is-”

“Don’t fight me on this, you know as well as I do that the both of you always come off as a little- you know, special. High schoolers, they’re just gonna latch onto that shit right away and they’ll bully him and man, I mean I can’t have him go through that. Come on, like you said, kid’s been through enough.”

“There’s still the logistics,” Cas began but Dean cut him off again.

“You need money?”

“Dean…”

“I’ll take care of the money. Don’t worry about money. Don’t _ever_ worry about money, you hear? And don’t start apologizing. Look, least I can do, right? And it ain’t even my cash.”

When the phone call had ended Cas was smiling so brightly he had felt like an idiot when he caught himself in the bathroom mirror. He had broached the subject with Jack at dinner, who had been angry about the idea of having to uproot again, but once Cas had explained that everyone in town knew them and thus wouldn’t believe that Jack was suddenly sixteen, when they had been saying he was over eighteen for a few years, he had calmed down. School seemed to fill him with nervousness but also excitement and he had rambled to Cas about all the tv shows and movies he had watched and how he hoped it would be just like that. 

“I don’t think it’s going to be much like _Gossip Girl_ , Jack,” Cas had told him. “And I hope for your sake it’s nothing like _Riverdale_. But I know you’re going to have a good time.”

They had moved that summer, Claire helping them pack up the house and move in, staying on the couch the first few weeks. Their new house was a little bigger, thanks to the newly wired funds, and had two stories and a porch. Jack took to it just as he had to the first one, though with a slightly tempered and more jaded enthusiasm, perhaps just to prove his maturity to his big, cool, sister. Cas helped him put up posters of his favorite movies and singers, trying to pay attention as he explained them all to him, and when it was done he was shocked by how normal a room it was. He felt a rush of pride in himself suddenly. Against all odds, he had given Jack something halfway normal, that was an achievement. 

On his first day of school, smiling with his backpack, he had texted Dean a picture of him, the first ever actually. Dean had texted back _i bet he’s gonna give em all hell_ to which Cas had responded _I should hope not_ with a laughing emoji. Dean had seemed to type and retype for a bit and then said _he’s the spitting image of you, shocks me every time._ Cas hadn’t known how to respond to that, and had waited until night to give Dean a long report of Jack’s excellent first day to him. _I didn’t worry a bit_ , he texted him back.

They started seeing each other a little more after that. Dean came to more holidays and there were other things, too. Sam and Eileen’s wedding, finally, Patience’s college graduation, Alex’s engagement party to some guy he _knew_ Claire didn’t approve of, at all of them Cas and Dean would make pleasant but awkward conversation and Jack and him would spend a few hours together afterwards. He couldn’t help but note how much Jack looked forward to that, and how sad he was to leave. But there would always be a moment, some weird moment of distance from Dean that would remind him why they left, that he still wasn’t confronting things or capable of looking them in the eye or saying what he really felt. That he still wasn’t ready to apologize. But he came to Jack’s birthday for the first time, and baked him a cake that he said had probably gotten stale on the drive in from Kansas but Jack had said was perfect. It had been the first time he had been to the house and he had been awkward and respectful, moving like he was afraid to break anything and complimenting Cas on everything from the decorations to the cooking. Their goodbye had been weird that time, and Cas had wanted to offer him to stay on the couch, a big step sure, but an important one, but Dean had mentioned he had already booked himself a room in town and that had been that.

Jack had been adjusting at school, joining clubs and doing well in his classes. The Friends’ School was all he had hoped it would be, taking things at just the pace Jack needed and giving him extra help and guidance too. They were talking about college and debating the SAT versus the ACT and Jack was making friends, finally friends his age and going out to parties and scaring Cas to death yet again. He was a good kid, and pretty straight edge when it came down to it, his friends the nerdier bunch at school, so Cas didn’t really have much to worry about. But even nights when he came home a half hour late to curfew his heart sped up. There was just so much that could go wrong.

With Jack making friends, Cas had been befriending their parents and his coworkers at the library in their new town (he had found he liked the work, had a good brain for organization, and it was all he had experience in anyway). He was participating in the PTA too, going to bake sales and such when he got time off. It was at one of those he was talking to a mom friend there when she had asked him something he’d never thought about before.

“Cas, do you ever get a chance to go on dates?” She had said as she licked the cream cheese frosting off a cupcake in a way he felt was highly unsanitary.

“What?” He had asked flustered, tilting his head in a way Dean used to lovingly laugh at him for.

“It’s just, I know this guy at my work, I think he’d be just perfect for you, I could set you up if you want me to,” she told him. He found himself shaking his head on instinct.

“That’s really kind Allison, but I just don’t have time to date,” he said. “My work, and Jack. I mean, it’s not really my priority.”

“Oh, come on! He’s seventeen, right? Surely he can be left home alone a night or something?” She gave him a knowing smile as she spoke. “With me and Terrence, I mean we had this little dry spell for a few years when June was fifteen and it was just torture. You can’t be going this long without any action.” 

Cas sighed, and fidgeted with his t-shirt.

“Jack, he hasn’t had an easy life. He was um very sick when he was very young. And I almost lost him. You can’t imagine…” he found himself lost for words and took a breath to steady himself. “It was difficult with my ex too, very difficult especially at the end. I guess it’s still difficult with us, whenever we see him. And I, I mean I have not been the perfect father either. And Jack almost lost me too. I took Jack here to give him as fresh a start as possible, to make his life as good as it could be. And my every day now, I mean I devote it to him. I’m alive so that I can take care of him. He’s my whole world. I just don’t think I can let anyone into that world. Not now or maybe ever.”

Allison stared at him for what felt like an excruciating twenty seconds and then she gave him the slightly condescending but sympathetic look he found people often gave him. He wasn’t sure if it was the gay thing or the single dad thing or the fact of his obvious and painful social awkwardness, or maybe all of them together, but he was very familiar with it.

“You know it’s only a year before Jack goes off to college,” she began and Cas shook his head.

“He doesn’t stop being my world when he goes to college. I’m excited for him to leave and be his own person, it’ll be good for him. But I...I still can’t stop protecting him even then,” he said and he saw her brows furrow and her condescension drop away a little.

“You’re a good dad, Cas,” she told him. “But don’t you think, I mean don’t you think it’s a little bigger than Jack? I mean, it’s sort of obvious you’re holding yourself back for more reasons than that.”

Cas didn’t say anything. She smiled again, quick and knowing.

“Jack’s dad, are you still in love with him?” She asked and he felt like he was punched in the stomach.

“I think I need to use the restroom,” he told her and promptly left.

He stood in the school bathroom trying to breathe and splashing water on himself. He hadn’t felt like this in years, had been in better control than this. He was shaking, gripping the sides of the sink and hoping no one would walk in. This would be so embarrassing for Jack. As he stared at his reflection he knew he didn’t even have to consider her statement for a moment. Of course it was true. He was still in love with Dean. He had never stopped, never even tried to trick himself into believing he wasn’t. He had loved Dean from the moment he had held his damaged soul in his hand and he was overwhelmed with a sensation completely foreign to him, something no one had ever prepared him for. He had fought it and feared it and loathed it and all it had done was feed off of his fear and self loathing and used it to bury itself deeper in him. Dean’s love had in equal parts saved and ruined him. The thought of loving anyone else was impossible to him. There would never be anyone else for him. 

When the mysterious disappearances began he hadn’t forwarded the news to Dean because he had no intention of seeming hysterical or like he was inventing a reason to see him. But as the deaths piled up, Dean had shown up on his own, knocking on his door in his typical FBI suit and Cas felt as weak in the knees as he had that night after the brothel. As weak as he had when Dean had said that he’d rather have him. 

“You didn’t need to come,” he had said. “We could take care of it. Or gotten a local hunter to take care of it. This is a hellish drive for you.”

“Nah, I was in the area,” Dean said, shrugging it off like it was nothing and then being immediately distracted by Jack, who ran in from the kitchen where he was doing his homework, and started shouting at him excitedly.

Dean had told them over dinner that night (Cas had insisted he stay) that it was probably something simple, just a witch or a vamp or something and he’d clean it up in a day or two. Told them not to stay out late at night but in general probably it was nothing to worry about. Jack had begged him to let him help but Dean had given Cas one look and knew he had to say no.  
  
“Sorry sport, I don’t think we could pass you off as FBI, this is a pretty small town,” Dean said. “Maybe if I’m working something nearby.”

“I could be so much help! I’m learning all about the legal system in my AP Gov class!” Jack said and Dean had laughed and Cas noticed that Dean’s hand was twitching as if he wanted to reach out to ruffle Jack’s hair or touch his shoulder and he kept pulling it back. _Just do it_ , he wanted to say. But Dean kept himself in check.

Cas hadn’t worried much in the days after that. It was the end of the school year anyway and the library was switching to summer hours and things seemed easy and his greatest source of anxiety seemed to be just that Dean was in town and he kept bumping into him everywhere, at Jack’s school asking questions, at the local diner, the post office, the park. And it was even worse because for Dean’s cover they had to act like strangers, not even giving a nod. It was while he was consumed with this anxiety that he hadn’t noticed the man behind him in the parking lot after he locked up the library one night. He had barely felt the blow before he was out cold.

When he woke up it was clear that this was _not_ some vamp or witch or whatever Dean had played it down as. For one thing, where he was being kept there was also Jack, gagged and restrained with Enochian handcuffs, and there were a significant amount of wardings against angels. The room was dark and hard to make out anything in the corners. The room seemed to be made of metal and he noticed a creaking sound and a swaying sensation. They were on a boat, he realized. He himself was just tied up like the human he now was, and Jack was passed out a ways from him, he struggled at his own bonds to get to him, trying to overcome the sinking feeling in his stomach at the worrying amount of blood on Jack’s face. He called Jack’s name, getting more and frantic until his son’s eyes slid open. He exhaled just a little then, their blue eyes locking together.

“It’s going to be alright Jack. I’m going to get you out of this,” he told him and Jack nodded along. It was then that a door from above was opened and who entered shocked Cas more than he could have imagined. 

They were three humans. And dragged with them was, bloodied beyond belief, eyes nearly swollen shut, looking as bad as he had in the crypt, Dean Winchester. Despite his state, a part of Cas he would usually deny existed but was fundamental to his nature, saw Dean and immediately felt relief, that familiar voice in the back of his head saying _we’re saved_.

“See Winchester, it doesn’t matter that you wouldn’t give them up. That you’d choose the two abominations over your own kind, because we got them anyway. We found your little boyfriend and his brat and now we’re gonna get rid of them.”

There had been a lot of monolouging but it hadn’t taken very long for Cas to figure the rest of it out. They were a group of hunters, radicalized by he didn’t know what. They had gotten it into their heads to take out Jack because, despite him being the reason they and everyone they knew were still alive, he was too dangerous and powerful to live. They had been spending months searching for the two of them and had tracked them to the town, kidnapping people to torture for their location, killing them when they didn’t know. Clearly, Cas wanted to roll his eyes and say, they weren’t especially good hunters for all the time it took them, but he wouldn’t say that with Jack tied up like he was. In fact, it was taking everything in Cas currently to just sit there and be calm as Jack was vulnerable and in agony right in front of him and he couldn’t even simply hold him, stroke his hair and tell him it would be okay as he so desperately wanted to. The hunters had finally figured out their identity and location and abducted them both but not before they had captured Dean when he caught onto them and, evidently, tortured him for their location. Dean had taken the torture silently and not given them up for anything.

“You know we were pretty stumped on what to do once we found you two. I mean you, you’re basically human now, a quick bullet between the eyes will do it. But we don’t have a way to kill the boy, hell I don’t know if anyone does,” the leader had drawled. “But of course one of your former siblings came to us with some help, Castiel. Damn do they hate you. Told us how to build it and everything, ‘specially warded for a nephilim this time.”

It was then that Cas saw what was in the corner and he felt like throwing up. Jack noticed it too and was suddenly shaking. The rusty metal of the box caught the fluorescent lights and Cas realized just why they were on a boat and no, no no, this couldn’t be happening, Cas thought. Not after everything, it couldn’t end just like this. Not to _his boy_. 

“You know you made it quite easy for us living by the Pacific, it’ll be a quick one two, lock the brat in the box and dump him over the side,” the leader said and suddenly two of the hunters were on Jack and pulling him to his feet as he desperately struggled against them and Cas realized he was screaming then.

“No! No! Please! Please! Please! You can't do this to him! No one deserves this! Please don't do this to my son!” He screamed, fighting against his bonds, hysterical tears beginning to leave his eyes. “Let him go! Don’t TOUCH him! Let him go or I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you all! Jack! _JACK_!”

He wasn’t even thinking about Dean at that moment but it was then that Dean had burst from his captors. He hadn’t gotten very far in his state, and Dean was, he noticed, getting old too, didn’t move like he used to, and was soon grabbed again and forced to his knees.

“If you do this to him I’ll hunt you down and you know I will! I’ll make you wish you were dead before I slam you down to hell! You know I’m good for it! Everyone knows what I'm goddamn capable of!” Dean shouted at him. The leader smiled.

“Really? You think I’ll let you live after this to carry that out?” He asked Dean. "You're at my mercy."

“Please,” Dean choked out. “Please. Don’t do this to him. Don’t. I’ll do anything. Kill me, you can have that, be the people that killed Dean Winchester. I won’t come back. But let him go. You can’t do this to him, you can’t.”

Cas never thought he had heard Dean beg before. Not for anything or from anyone. The leader sneered down at Dean.

“Why do you even care? What’s he to you?” He asked. “You were raised to kill freaks like him.”

Dean was quiet for a long moment and Cas’s own heart was so enormously loud in his chest. Finally, he spoke.

“He’s my boy. You can’t hurt my boy,” Dean said. The leader raised his gun to Dean’s forehead. Cas closed his eyes.

That was the moment when Jack burst from his bonds. Enochian handcuffs couldn’t hold him for long. Cas hadn’t seen Jack use his full powers in years. He hadn’t had reason to. The sight now, with his glowing golden eyes, was glorious. There was a blast of bright, warm light and when Cas opened his eyes the box was melted down to nothing and the other hunters were lying on the floor. Jack stood there, exhausted.

“I didn’t kill them, they’re just sleeping,” Jack said in a raw voice.

“I know,” Cas said and Jack numbly cut the ropes from his hands. As soon as he was free Cas hugged Jack tightly, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead as he had been longing to do. “My sweet boy,” he murmured and wondered if this was how it felt to be the parents of all the children they’d saved. He wondered how strange it must be for Dean to stand and watch their reunion, a position he’d probably been in a thousand times, except this time it was _them_.

“Thank you,” Jack said to Dean once Cas had finally let go of him. Dean was still kneeling and Jack went over to him and looked down on him. Gently he placed a hand on his forehead and let his grace flow through, healing his wounds. Dean winced. He stood up.

“I owe ya more than that, kid,” Dean said gruffly. “You two get on home, I’ll take care of all this.” Dean picked up a gun from the floor and took off the safety. He nodded at Cas who nodded back and understood all. He led Jack out.

Dean came by the next morning on his way out of town. He and Jack had a private goodbye, tearful and by the car and not for Cas’s ears. All he caught was the tail end of _and you be good to your dad, you hear me? Don’t give him any trouble. He worries enough as is,_ as he walked over to the car to give Dean some leftovers for the road and to bring Jack back into the house. He handed Dean the tupperware as Jack ran back towards the house. Dean took it gingerly.

“Should I be afraid?” He asked and Cas titled his head. “Of your cooking, I mean.”

“Oh. Yes. Probably. I haven't made much improvement,” he admitted and Dean laughed.

“You really do never change.”

“I keep my promises,” Cas said and Dean nodded. There was a strange moment between them. Long and quiet and Cas wondered what now it would take him to forgive him. Because somehow he didn’t, some part of him still couldn't. He was beginning to realize this was maybe more about him than it was about Jack or maybe he just couldn’t separate Jack from himself. He didn’t know. Either way, it wasn’t enough. It still wasn’t enough.

“You know you two are free to come home whenever?” Dean finally asked.

“This is our home,” Cas replied.

“Right…” Dean said. “You know that’s not what I mean.” 

“Yes, I know.”

Dean drove off after that as Cas stayed behind, watching the familiar Ohio plates disappear into the dust. That night he stayed up late once Jack was fast asleep, drinking red wine and listening to “Diamonds and Rust,” and reminding himself not to call.

Things changed a little after that. Jack was probably going to go to college next year, he knew, and after everything Cas began to loosen on some things. He told Dean he could visit more, stay in the motel in town and spend days with Jack. Over the summer he even said they could go on weekend trips together, though any hunting was absolutely out of the question. Cas still did his best to stay away from him. It still hurt. Hell, he still turned the radio off if “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” came on. But he knew that Dean and Jack needed each other. And it made Jack happy beyond words. Dean even convinced Cas to let Jack spend the long weekend for Columbus Day with him once the school year started, saying he could afford to blow off work on his college essay for a weekend.

“Besides, it’ll just be some quiet fishing. Probably give him a hell of a lot of time to think about what he wants to write,” Dean had said and Cas wondered if he could feel him smiling through the phone.

They were texting more frequently than they had in years. Cas had especially texted Dean to tell him about a striking new development in Jack’s life: a boyfriend.

Normally, Cas wouldn’t have approved. He was a little older, a year out of high school, and a friend of Claire’s, so a hunter himself. He was crass and cocky, drove a motorcycle, wore a leather jacket, listened to rock music, passed in and out of town every few weeks as he mostly worked cases around Olympia, and was sure to break Jack’s heart. In short he was the spitting image of a young Dean and Jack worshipped the ground he walked upon. Claire thought the whole thing a cross between hilarious and disgusting and Cas constantly caught her teasing him for it. Jack had only shut her up once saying “at least I haven’t modeled my whole personality on him, besides, you ever seen Kaia and Cas in the same room?” and Claire had rolled her eyes and admitted brief defeat. For Cas’s part, he actually liked the kid. He was always polite to him, calling him Mr. Singer and getting Jack home by curfew, not interfering with his studies, and besides, Jack was clearly smitten and there wasn’t much he could do. This was a good thing, Jody told him over the phone, though keep an eye on it. Young love strikes hard and fast.

Dean, did not like any of it. When Cas had told him he had threatened to drive up right away.

“He can’t be dating ‘til he’s thirty, I can’t believe you’re allowing this. Doesn’t he need to be focusing on his studies? This boy is just gonna be a distraction, mark my words,” Dean had ranted to him over the phone. “And what’s his name again? Russell? What type of a dick name is that? I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind soon as I get up there. You know I will. You told him about me right? If the kid’s a hunter worth anything he’ll know who Dean Winchester is.”

Dean and Russell had finally met when he had joined them in Sioux Falls for Thanksgiving. _Why thank you kindly for the invitation, Mr. Singer, we never had none in my family, grew up hunting on the road, never got a chance for more than some pumpkin pie at a diner if we were lucky_ , he had told Cas. Dean had taken him out for a drive some time before the football game. Whatever sort of shovel talk had been given was clearly quite ineffective though, as Dean had come back fuming and Russ seemed entirely unfazed. Cas had laughed at Dean’s expression when he saw it. 

“That boy’s going nowhere,” he overheard Jody tell Dean as they were clearing the plates after dinner. “And you know this is sort of your just desserts right?”

It had been the best Thanksgiving yet: a table full to the brim, all the girls home, Garth and Bess there with the kids, Claire and Kaia back together, Sam stealing the spotlight by announcing that a (very embarrassed) Eileen was pregnant. And it had ended with everyone drunk and full lying around watching the Charlie Brown special on television. _This is what I fell for_ , Cas thought, as he lay in an armchair and watched them all, a smile on his face. It hurt to leave.

As the college acceptances flooded in, Cas wasn’t actually surprised when Jack said he wanted to take a gap year, and he didn’t fight him on it either. It would be good for him to earn some of the tuition. Out of state for the University of Michigan, where it seemed pretty sure he was going, would be steep, and it was going to be far from home too. Jack needed a little time, they both did. Besides, even after all those years, Cas still couldn’t say no to him. Not for anything. When he told Dean the plan over the phone he had sounded fine with it but added before he hung up.

“But you make sure he goes, alright? Gets his degree? I don’t want him ending up like me. He’s too bright for that,” Dean had said.

“I don’t think you’re a bad way to end up,” Cas replied. “You saved the world.” Dean snorted.

“I’m an unloved, greying, middle aged fart living alone in a bunker with nothing but a .45, a bottle of jack, and my car for company,” Dean said. “I don’t want that for him.”

“Lots of people love you,” Cas said and Dean had found an excuse to leave the call right after that.

They hadn’t talked much again until Jack’s graduation was approaching. Cas had called him asking if he wanted tickets.

“The school says we only get two,” Cas had explained.

“Claire doesn’t want one?”

“What?”

“I mean, you know, he’s her brother, assuming she might want to go,” Dean said and Cas felt himself tense.

“Well, I’m actually asking you first.”

“Why are you doing that?”

“Because I thought you would want it more than Claire.”

“She sees him more.”

“Not much more than you do lately,” Cas had argued.

“I don’t know why you’re offering this to me of all people.” There was the familiar coldness in Dean’s voice and Cas felt something slip away beneath his feet that he had thought was finally becoming solid.

“Because of what you said on the boat, Dean” Cas said desperately. He heard Dean sort of huff.

“I can’t book things in advance, Cas. If a hunt comes up I gotta take it, you know that, man,” Dean told him in a rush of words. “Look, if I can make it to the party. I’ll show up.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Cas said and promptly hung up.

Claire had decided she wanted the ticket, though seemed a little uncomfortable about it, having dropped out her junior year herself. He had told her not to feel obligated but she had laughed.

“Jack’s gonna want me there right? Can’t let him down can I?” She had said, sounding just like Dean and Cas had nodded. He hadn’t mentioned to either of Claire or Jack that he had asked Dean first. It was too painful.

The day came in a weird emotional rush. Jack had come to him the night before and cried in his lap. Cas had stroked his hair as they sat on the couch, the local news from the television washing over them like white noise. 

“I never thought I would...I don’t think I’m supposed to...wasn’t I supposed to save the world?” Jack had finally sobbed out and Cas had shushed him.

“You saved my world,” he told him and that had seemed to be enough, in the moment, for Jack. Cas had been able to get him to bed after that and the next morning it had seemed like nothing ever happened. He was excited about the party, about seeing his friends, about how his sister and Sam and Aunt Eileen and Jody and Donna and the girls and Garth and Bess and even Charlie and Bobby were coming for his party that weekend. That Russ was going to be in town for it too and would go out to dinner with him and they had plans to celebrate by themselves later that Cas wanted to know nothing about. Cas looked at him, smiling in his graduation robes and his tan suit. He loved him more than he, with his boundless definition of love, had thought it possible to love someone.

Cas waited in his seat for Claire to come, sitting out in the hot sun, growing more and more annoyed by the second. The ceremony was minutes from starting and she just wasn’t there. _Typical hunters_ , he muttered to himself and sent her yet another frantic text. It was moments before they were to begin that Cas saw him. Typical navy blue suit, neatly cut hair, steely eyed expression and cocky grin, people were standing in the row to let him pass as Cas stayed sitting, shell shocked. After all these years, he could still surprise him.

“Sorry I’m late,” Dean said, plopping down beside Cas.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

“I called Claire. Asked if we could trade out, she takes the wolf pack out in Phoenix, I take the ceremony. She seemed pretty alright with it. She’ll still make the party and all, she thinks. Seemed a fair trade,” he said, leafing through the program and Cas wanted to murder him right there.

“Cas, who is this?” Allison asked him, from her seat a row in front, turning back and eyeing Dean curiously.

“I'm Dean, Dean Campbell, I’m Jack’s other dad,” Dean said, shaking her hand and she gave Cas a knowing glance. Then they all turned their attention to the stage.

Jack was overjoyed when he went up for his diploma and spotted Dean in the audience. He waved his typical little wave and Dean had waved back. Cas felt too overwhelmed to speak. When the ceremony was over he had hugged them both, pulling them together and Cas wasn’t crying because he wouldn’t let Dean Winchester see him cry especially right then but it was taking everything in him to not.

“I can’t believe you came! I can’t believe it! This is the best! This is the best day ever!” Jack was bouncing up and down and Dean was ruffling his hair and grinning.

“I wasn't gonna miss this for the world. Your son only graduates high school once, right? Unless you wanna drop out and try this all over again?” Dean joked and Jack's eyes had been wide and delighted since he heard the word "son." “Come on, graduate, let’s go get you some ice cream."

“We have a reservation at the Italian place in town,” Cas said stiffly. Dean gave Jack a sideways look.

“Alright, let’s not upset your dad,” he told him. “You know how he is. We’ll get you some gelato then, is that cool, Cas?”

Cas sighed.

“That is cool.”

The dinner was surprisingly not awkward. It was pleasant and full of chatter and they felt so normal, so settled that Cas could almost convince himself it was always like this. He even let Dean pick up the bill, who handled it quietly and with nothing more than a nod in his direction. Jack had seemed so excited, Cas had to keep reminding him to not eat with his mouth full like he was a little kid again. In short, it was perfect.

That evening, Jack went out to meet up with some of his friends and do a nighttime drive around town to celebrate and he and Dean were left alone. They stood there in the empty house as soon as he was gone, just staring at one another. Cas finally took him in. Salt and pepper hair, crooked teeth, same mossy green eyes, but now with crow’s feet and lines on his forehead, bad posture, same broad shoulders, calloused hands, chapped lips, older and less glorious and not the god he had worshipped him as when they met but still the man he had loved before he even knew what love was. Cas wondered if Dean was taking stock of him in just the same way.

“You look old,” he finally said. Dean laughed.

“I expect I do. So do you, by the way,” Dean replied. “Which is strange, I used to think you’d stay like you were forever, here you are now, you don’t even got the trenchcoat. You wear cardigans now. Never thought I’d live to see the day.”

Cas didn’t respond. Dean cleared his throat.

“You look good, though,” Dean admitted then. “Old but good. I’ve always thought you looked good.”

“Thank you.”

They kept staring at one another. Any moment, Cas expected him to say something like “Cas you’re creeping me out." Instead he smiled at him.

“You raised a good kid,” Dean said. “He’s just beautiful. You should be so proud.”

“I am. You should be proud too,” Cas stuttered out. Dean nodded.

“I am,” he said and suddenly Cas felt weird cold, distant anger rise in him.

“You can’t just show up like this,” he said.

“I know. It was wrong of me,” Dean replied.

“It was terrible.”

“I know, Cas.”

“You have to choose.”

“I have chosen.”

Cas sucked in a breath.

“What does that mean? After eight years, what does that even mean?” Cas asked and Dean shook his head.

“It means I wanna stay. Can I stay?” Dean was looking so deep into his eyes that Cas felt like he was burning him alive.

“You’re asking to stay? That’s strange,” he said. “I never had anywhere for you to stay. It was always me begging you for a place...and now you want to stay.”

“Yeah. I do,” Dean told him. “Listen, I’m gonna put it all aside. I’m gonna stop hunting. Hell, I’m gonna give Claire the Impala, it’s high time she got it anyway, and I’m gonna stay here and I’m gonna be good to you both. It’s not gonna...it’s never gonna make up for it. Nothing can, Cas I’m so sorry, to you both. For what I did, what I said- I was scared, you understand? I was scared to love you both because of how...how weak it made me, what it said about me. But I’m not scared, anymore. Or maybe I still am but I think I want this more than I’m scared of it. I don’t have much time left to fix this, but if you’ll let me, I want to. I want to fix it. So can I stay?”

Cas was quiet for a while and his insides felt empty. He had spent so many years resisting this man that he didn’t know how to finally submit. He stared at his face and noticed a cut on his forehead. 

“Your head it’s-”

“I uh, took a tumble getting out of my car. I don’t move like I used to, you know. Got a little scraped up. I guess I didn’t notice,” Dean said and Cas reached his shaking hand to touch it, running his hand through Dean’s bristley hair and then pressing two fingers against Dean’s head.

“I wish I could heal it,” he said and Dean smiled.

“But you can’t anymore,” he told him bluntly.

“I can try,” Cas said and Dean took his hand and guided it down to his lips and gently kissed his palm. Cas shook his head but was afraid to speak. He didn’t know if he had a will anymore but he was realizing that this was finally okay.

“You’ve done such a good job, Cas,” Dean said softly. “But I’m gonna take care of you now. I’m gonna take care of you both.”

They kissed then and Cas realized Allison had been right about one thing: _it had been too damn long_.

They awoke together and Cas felt so perfectly content and safe. _It’s all okay now_ , he told himself and it didn’t ring even a little false. Dean lay beside him, sweaty and freckled and snoring and smelling just a little rank. He was drowsily pressing a kiss into Cas’s shoulder and holding him tightly from behind, resting his head upon the crook of his neck. Cas smiled as he watched the sun from outside his window, their window, he realized suddenly. From now on it was their window. 

“I guess I better put on one of your t-shirts,” Dean said with a grin. “Hope you have something that’s not painfully fruity.”

“You’re terrible,” Cas told him and went up to get him something grey and soft. 

“Mmm, yeah, I sure am… I’m terrible and you, you’re all sweet,” Dean joked. “Sweet Judy Blue Eyes,” he said and when he kissed him again it was a perfect little death for Cas, everything clicking into place.

“What do you think the kid will think?” Dean asked as they dressed and Cas could hear the barely disguised fear under the nonchalance of his voice.

“I think he’s going to be thrilled,” Cas told him.

“I’m really glad he’s taking that gap year,” Dean admitted and Cas nodded.

“Me too.”

“Everything feels like stolen time, but this-”

“Stolen implies you don’t deserve it,” Cas said, cutting him off. “We deserve this.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “Yeah, I think you’re right. We do.”

They went downstairs and Cas sat at the kitchen counter as Dean started on breakfast, nervously chattering with Cas as he did so. It wasn’t long before Jack stumbled downstairs in his pajamas, looking just a bit hungover.

“Morning sunshine,” Dean said to him with a grin, just a bit too loud and Jack grimaced.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Well, I figured you’ve endured enough years of your dad’s cooking and it’s high time someone made you a proper breakfast. So, I’m frying up some bacon and I’m gonna get some flapjacks on to go with that, you wanna help?”

“Uh...yeah…yeah…” Jack said, giving Cas a look who gave him a nod of consent. Dean clapped a hand to Jack’s shoulder.

“Alright, get the flour, okay kid?” He said Jack nodded, he went to go but Dean gently tightened his grip on him before he could. “Jack. We’re gonna talk about this more later but, I need you to hear this right now- what I did, it was unforgivable. And I am so sorry. And I promise you, I promise, that I’m never going to hurt you again. I promise that.”

“I know,” Jack said quietly.

“It doesn’t make it up. Nothing makes it up. But it is true,” Dean told him. “And I love you. You’re my only son and I love you like hell.” 

Jack looked at him with those doe eyes and Cas didn’t think he would say anything and that would probably be okay. But finally Jack smiled, just a little.

“I love you too,” he told him and hugged Dean tightly. Dean patted his back and when they pulled away, he wiped the kid’s wet face. “I’m gonna go get the flour now.”

“Alright,” Dean said. And Jack went to the cupboard.

Cas watched them. Never in his millenia of his life did he think he was getting this. He hadn’t even thought he was getting this yesterday morning. Now here he was. He would never take it for granted, he promised himself, not ever.

“Let’s get some music on,” Dean ordered and went towards the radio, slipping in a cassette. The familiar music filtered in and Jack shot Cas another look but he only nodded and smiled. Jack didn’t understand; he didn’t need to skip it this time. It could only make him happy now.

“I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are,” Dean sang softly as he guided Jack’s hands through stirring the batter and ignored Jack’s complaints that he could do it himself. It was all okay, Cas told himself, it was finally all okay.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> yeah this was unbelievably fun for me to write


End file.
